Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
