Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
