nut hugger
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
