Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
