Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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