those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize