dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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