ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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