Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
