and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
