Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
