did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
