no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your penis caused this!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
