Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize