I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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