You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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