I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you would pick up someone in the library
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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