sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
