my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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