Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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