at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
