don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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