i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want her autograph on my taint
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
