Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
