Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
