how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
