that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
