"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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