he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
