OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
