Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
