I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
