I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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