I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
