the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
