I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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