Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
