Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
