i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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