The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
