I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
