It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My bed smells like the plague
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
