I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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