this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize