Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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