thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
