worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
