For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The ass gains better be worth it
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