I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize