Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
