Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
