well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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