you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
