Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
