I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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