I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
