You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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