Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
