Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
