I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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