You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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