when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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