OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
