You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
