Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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