You just made me feel so damn special
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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