He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
