So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
