I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
