wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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