just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
